Surf Accessories
Surf Accessories
Log in  \/  Register

Login to your HotSwell account


or
 Use Facebook account

Search Surf Breaks

What's Hot

Here you can find out the latest surf news, enjoy a variety of articles and surf stories and check out some of our weather and forecasting features. This is also the place to find out about how the launch and development of Hotswell.com is progressing. If you'd like to contribute to or comment on these pages, drop us a line or click here.

  • Home
    Home This is where you can find all the blog posts throughout the site.
  • Bloggers
    Bloggers Search for your favorite blogger from this site.
  • Login
    Login Login form

Why do surfers make the best lovers?

  • Font size: Larger Smaller
  • Subscribe to this entry

Image source: cargocollective.com

Why do surfers make the best lovers?

 

As we all know, surfers are roughly one  gillion times better in bed than the average human. It’s a phenomenon that’s baffled our brightest scientists for generations.

So today we’ll be delving deep, ahem, into this issue and coming to a reasonable conclusion why surfers are burdened with the libido of a drunk, horny T-Rex on steroids.

 

1. Modesty

We don’t like to brag. As you may have noticed. Which is a very attractive quality. Sexual prowess speaks for itself and if ours could talk it would sound like Barry White having phone sex with the voiceover woman from the M&S adverts.

 

2. We live in a world of innuendos

Lesser beings mistakenly confuse sexy talk with double entendres. But surfing lingo rivals Carry On films for snigger-ability. And when suggestive language is part and parcel of your daily routine, you feel no need to cheapen conversation with endless childish puns. Like these:

  • Pull out
  • Rubber up
  • Wax job
  • Strap on
  • Tube riding
  • Sweet spot
  • Stroke
  • Pumping
  • Re-entry

 

3. Patience

Let’s face it. There are times when bringing someone to climax is about as easy as playing pat-a-cake with a hyena. It takes patience, confidence and a pig-headed determination to see the job through.

Recently I wrote an article about things to do whilst waiting for a wave. Skills like these make surfers masters at Things to do whilst waiting for an orgasm. I can’t give away too many trade secrets but they include such activities as:

  • Writing your name with your tongue.
  • Moving in time to the song in your head.
  • Mentally preparing the ultimate post-sex sandwich.

 

Click here to'Like' Hotswell on Facebook for more surfing articles, photos and videos 

 

4. Surfers are used to the taste of salt

Ahem.

 

5. Honesty

I’m not talking about admitting your fantasy is to be stripped naked and handcuffed to spinning helicopter rotas while midgets throw custard at you. That’s a third date move.

I mean just generally being honest and open and feeling comfortable with your partner. And in all my years of apparently categorising people, I can think of a none more honest bunch than surfers.

Maybe it’s the natural zen from being at one with mother nature. Maybe it’s drugs. Probably drugs. Either way surfers tend to be pretty chilled, open and honest. And isn’t that what getting laid is all about?

Of course it isn’t. Half-finished movies, sexy underwear and light spanking is what getting laid is all about.

But that’s why being honest is so important. Because when we spank, we spank from the heart.

 

Click here to 'Like' Hotswell on Facebook for more surfing and other other fun 

 

Happy humping!

Alfie Hayward

 

Join our surf social to interact with thousands of like minded surfers that also loved this article

If you liked this article, you'll also like

Ten Tips for Surfing on a Shoestring

The Dawn

The Green Room (how to get barrelled) 

 

Tagged in: advice blogger funny sex Surf
in Surf Stories Hits: 130049

Comments

  • The Wall

    Marathon runners often experience a sensation named 'hitting the wall'. The notion describes a kind of fatigue, a stage in the run where they must make a vital decision: run on, or give up. This can happen at any stage. For me it once in a blue moon happens at 3k, occasionally at 5k and regularly at 10k, legs feel heavy, saliva drowns my mouth and sweat bathes my eyes and upper lip. Tasty. Some p ...

    by Maddiemeds
    Monday, 13 April 2015
  • Why being a surfer in the city doesn't suck as much as it should

      Ah the good old days. The days of duct tape repairs, a rope for a leash and a permanent layer of salt in your eyebrows. When your bed was a sleeping bag in your mate’s car. When going out for dinner meant going fishing. When men were men. These days, not so much. This isn’t Waimea, nor is it the 1950s. And most of us aren’t sixteen anymore (those of you who are, if you’re not doing all of ...

    by Alfie Hayward
    Tuesday, 14 April 2015
View more blog entries
12

Top 5 All Surf Spots

Cross Surfboards
Cross Surfboards

Atlantic Charts blog

Sun 19 April, 3:00 pm
Atlantic Swell Height
Atlantic Pressure
Atlantic Wind Speed

Quick Links

Atlantic Charts
Top 10 Charts

Help/Support

Terms of Site Usage
Surf break pages
Surf break compare
footerlogoWhiteRed

© Hotswell.com
® Hotswell

All Rights Reserved